But how does it feel to be a virgin in your 30s and 40s? I only recently fell in love properly for the first time. He seems to accept me exactly as I am. I feel like we are soulmates. Anonymous woman, I am still a virgin because of my crippling social anxiety, possibly due to my large facial growths. Occasionally though, I do wonder what I am missing out on. It seems that sex is something our society is obsessed about, even though in reality I believe everyone can live without. Anonymous man, The reason I am still a virgin is that I am very well endowed.
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‘I battle social anxiety due to my physical appearance’
Virginity as a ‘disease’
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Looking back through European history, was the hymen always the definitive mark of virginity? This picked up an early Christian idea that virginity was spiritual as well as physical. Virginity was something more than a hymen — and it was possible to be a virgin in the soul even if not in the body. By the 16th and 17th centuries, doubts about the hymen were widespread. No change there, then. But one thing was very different when early modern writers thought about virginity. They believed in a particular disease which only virgins could have. Surprise, surprise: while bloodletting could help, the best cure was having sex. Sex would open up the body and move the retained blood around. When virginity — hymen or not — was a disease, sex preferably marital was the only lasting solution.
Question: Dear Tanya, I am anxious about dating as I am in my 30s and still a virgin. I have never had a relationship and only kissed people once or twice after a lot of alcohol was consumed. How can I overcome my fear and start dating? Answer: In my work I meet folks who are very distressed that they have not lost their virginity. They get progressively anxious as time passes and they remain either dateless or sexually inexperienced. Firstly, can I say — there is nothing wrong with you. We live in a world that emphasises sex and sexual activity, and that can make folks who are not sexually active or very sexual feel as if they are some kind of freak or misfit.
